Back to Africa

For those of you that dont know this, im heading with a group of 6 or 7 college students to Africa in about 3 weeks. Its been about 2 years since I was last there, and I must be honest, it has been too long.

You find this out about places like Africa, they get inside you, they change you. You can never go home and forget about the people, the place, the experience. It gets inside you, Africa gets inside you, and it never goes away. It only grows, your longing to go back grows. Quite honestly, its like magic. Its just one of those places were the people are so genuine and so affectionate, passionate, so honest, its hard to ever be the same after encountering them.

Being in Africa is like being in the presence of God. Rarely in my life have ever felt so alive, so close to home, than in Africa. The first day that I awoke in Africa, I walked out the door to my room, out into the open air. I turned to my right to try and find my leaders, and before me, about 20 yards ahead, was a white monkey. It watched me as I approached. It sat there studying me, then wandered off into the greenery. As little of a thing as that was, that was when it really hit me. This was Africa, I was in Africa.

But I can attest I was not fully awake to Africa yet. That experience happened the day we rode into the Kisanga Valley, after 2 days of flying and 2 days of driving, culminating in a welcoming party the likes that royalty never get. I saw the peolpe standing and chanting outside out coaster(mini bus) and I heard their welcoming cries. I couldnt understand the language, but ive never felt so welcome in my entire life, anywhere. The day I stepped into the Kisanga valley was the day another part of me came alive, and I have never been the same.

I think God awoke in me a part of me that had been asleep. He had pushed me to action, to act out my faith, and to see what I was missing. For, the African people have something us Americans almost never have. True joy. No matter what the circumstances, no matter what the situation, they appreciate what they have, and live like their life is worth living, like it has a purpose.

Many of us Americans never understand that, and even many that say they do understand it cant truly. The only way a persons life will ever matter ultimately, is if they truly find the purpose for which they were created. And the most ultimate reason any of us were created was because God made us to love each other, to love Him, and to share our love with those who dont know it. If we arent doing that, if we arent truly living out Gods plan for us, we will never be affective change-makers in the world. We all must find the niche God has made us for. If we dont, we negate the chance to change the world.

Africans know that there is something more to this world than just us. More than "...a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, And then is heard no more. It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing."

They know that there is something more, they just need someone to show them enough love to tell them about it.

And now my rambling is done. If your not a Christian and reading my blog, you probably think this blog was really boring, and I applaud you for even finishing it. Maybe it peaked your interest? I doubt my ramblings have that affect, but hey, you never know can you?

Peace and Love

Back to Africa 6/8/10

Life, the Ultimate Journey

Lately ive been on a journey. Not only one in my mind, but, unusually, one in my life as well. For those that dont know, ive lived in the same place my entire life. Theres always been that inclination to leave, to adventure, to see the world, and it may finally be coming to fruition.

About 2 or 3 months ago, I felt a calling on my heart from God to go to NYC for school and to serve. Now, I have debated for hours on end whether that was just my wish, to go to NY, or if it was literally a calling from God. Ill have you know that NYC has been the place ive wanted to go to my entire adolescent life. Its where I see our culture shift fastest. Its where the worlds businesses are run. Its where terrorists target to get the most effect. And i imagine myself being in a place like that with a savior like Christ. The only savior who has the ability to save a lost and hurting world. If he is needed anywhere, he is needed in the big cities of our world. He is needed where change can be affected quickest.

Not to say that He is not needed anywhere else, to steal a phrase from Timothy Keller, "Churches(God, Christians, etc.) are needed wherever there are people."

So I find myself on the edge, waiting for the opportunities to align themselves, and to see where this journey called life takes me. To go off on a different path, I do find it striking that non-believers call life a journey too, for you can only be on a "journey" if your going somewhere, ultimately. And if we are both journeying somewhere, I have a feeling the Christian's journey ends better. So, even those who do not believe they are ultimately going somewhere still call it a journey (ie. the stereotypical adolescent teenager, of which I am part). Yet, I call this life a wonderful journey because my final destination is set. And because I know my final destination that leads me to believe that each day I live is a chance to change the world for the better. Each day brings a plethora of opportunities with it. Each day is a gift from God. I call life a journey because in the end, I know that wherever I wind up, whether my circumstances be good or bad, that God is leading me home, one step at a time. So, no matter what happens to me in this life, the only way it can go is up. And that, to me, is as uplifting a thought as you will find.

So to address my earlier statement, I still struggle with whether it was God or me that wanted to go to NYC. Timothy Keller has really helped me in this regard. In an online youtube post, he stated a process by which you can know you are called. Its called AAO. Affinity, Ability, and Opportunity. If you have the Affinity - the desire, if you have the Ability - permission, health, etc, and if you have the Opportunity, then you can pretty much chalk it down as a calling from God. And I wish to touch on point one just a bit before I move on. In my opinion, sometimes our own desires, our own affinities, are a glimpse of something He put inside of us. So don't write your desires off as selfish or un-important if they are just that, your desires. Its my belief that God put them there for a reason.

Having established all this to say that, 1. life is a journey, 2. life is better when God is involved, 3. my life is changing, I still hope, not disregarding what I have said above, that God is completely involved in the transition. I will be going to a place in NYC where I know no one. No friends, no family, if anything, it will be the toughest challenge of my life. And I will literally have to hold the hand that feeds to give me strength. Yet, it could be good in this regard. Literally forcing me to rely solely on God for strength and power and sustenance.

So as I wander into unknown territory, I hope that you can take heart in the fact that God is always there for you. And if me and you never get our hearts desires to adventure, and to live an exciting and full life, may our prayer be that of Paris Reidhead,

"Lord Jesus, I'm gonna obey You and love You and serve You and do what You want me to do, as long as I live even if I go to hell at the end of the road, simply because You are worthy to be loved, obeyed and served. And I'm not trying to make a deal with You."
-Paris Reidhead

Peace and Love

Hurley, shes real dude.

Well, ive been trying to study for a biology final for the past 2 hours, and it seems my mind wont let me rest until I write SOMETHING about what im feeling right about now, so here it goes.

Does love affect us? Does acceptance affect us? It seems that many peoples entire lives, including mine, are based around getting or achieving these things. We all have an innate desire in ourselves to want acceptance, to want to feel good about ourselves, to love ourselves, and to be able to say that someone else loves us too; maybe many people. It is the biggest driving point of our society. We want people to accept us, and we want someone to love us, truly.

I have found in my own life, this is the case. I want to be accepted, I have spent the better part of 6 years searching for affectionate love. And, I assume we all do. And im sure you can relate. Many times I find myself doubting my worth, doubting if there is someone out there that will ever love me like that.

Today I watched an episode of Lost in season 2 where Hurley has to come to grips with whether what hes seeing is real or not, if the island he finds himself on is imaginary or real. His significant other, Libby, confronts him as he is about to jump off a cliff. Hurley tells her that this life cant be real, because no one like her - beautiful - would ever love him. Then she grabs him, and kisses him. Then he knows its real, without a shadow of a doubt.

Dont we all want that? We all want to be swept off our feet by someone we are incredibly in love with. We want to know they exist. We all want to think that there is someone out there so rapturously beautiful that we think we have no right being with them. And then we also hope that someone out there feels the same about us.

Much of our lives is spent in search of these things. Of love, of acceptance, security in our own worth. And, when they finally arrived for Hurley, he couldnt even pull himself to believe it.

But I say all this to say, what if you never get those things? What if, never in my life, do I feel that kind of love? What if we never get famous, we never get rich? We never get accepted? What if Libby never shows up? Have we failed? Was our life a waste?

For some people, that is the train of thought. I know in my own mind that has been my thought process many lonely nights. Then I read something today that reaffirmed what I already knew.
We live to please the one who created us. And that was our reason for being, at all. To seek His acceptance, his love. God created us to love. But, to ultimately love HIM! Without that kind of love to fill the gap, no other love will truly fulfill. We can never love someone the way they were truly meant to be loved without His love, Gods love.

And so, as I go on in my search, and maybe you do the same, may we both know that there is a God, that he loves us, he created us to love, and to love deeply. Those desires are there for a reason. May we also remember that His is the only love that can truly set us free to love the person we seek the way he meant us to. May we find ourselves searching for His love more than that of anyone else. For His love is the only love that has never failed.

peace and "love"

Braveheart End

Scifi In Reality?

Do you ever wonder why we love Scifi stories? From Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Star Trek, Eragon, and a plethora of other well crafted books and movies, our society lives on the fantastical. We want to see greener grasses, bluer oceans, crazier animals. Its amazing. Sometimes we miss whats right in front of us. Funny thing is, the thing that I have found to be the most true, is the fact that we want to see good vs. evil. We want to see good win out. And above all, we want to know what is good and what is evil.

I think we, as humans, not just as a society, love scifi and any good story, because in those stories you always have a conflict. Good vs. Evil. In Superman, you know that Clark Kent is good, and that Lex Luther is the "mad scientist" who is evil. Just to use one example. But im sure if you look deep into your desires and motives, you will find this to be true in almost every story you come to love. We all want to know who we should be fighting against. We want to know who's side is the good side. We want to know if good wins. Superman knows his enemy.

In our time, it seems that the lines of good and evil have bled into one another. Just today, I read an article about a good Samaritan man, a homeless man, who tried to help a woman when her husband was beating her in NYC. He was stabbed by the husband, and left on the sidewalk. 6 people passed by, some even reaching down to touch him, but no one did a thing. The man died on that sidewalk. "No good deed goes unpunished". Know that im not saying those people were evil that passed up the man, but to think, how are we even capable of such heartlessness?

That isnt the best analogy, but I think we can agree, good and evil are hard to see and apply, in this case, and in life. But we all want to know good and evil. We want to see it, feel it, see that its real, so that we can know who to fight, who to trust, and what to believe about all the things we cant explain.

In my opinion, that is why we as a species love the fantastical. We love to see the lines drawn, we love to see the Superman's of our imaginations win out. We create things like Superman, because we dont know, in reality, who we are fighting. We all think we know what good and evil is, that some people are bad, and the rest are good, but we dont. Without a God to put the imprints of what good is into your heart, how would you even know what evil is? Do we as a society think violent crime is wrong? Killing someone weaker than us to steal their money? Its evolution 101, survival of the fittest. You kill because your stronger, its natural. Where did we get our desire to help those weaker than us? I would think it wouldnt come from the evolutionary process.

If what many say is true, and everything is objective, and no one knows the truth. That statement is itself a fallacy, for it comes from other people who think they see the big picture. They think they know whats best, that everyone else is just a fool if they believe in absolutes. But the statement comes from people claiming to know more, absolutely, than the other "misguided" people. And this cant be so.

So I think we create new worlds and people through books and movies and television, for many reasons; and I think one of the main ones could be to see good drawn out, and evil penned. Theres no questioning whos the good or bad guy in Superman, Batman, Spiderman, Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Star Wars, etc... Its plainly obvious. But in reality, many people will never find what they are looking for. They will never see good and evil clearly defined. Unless, maybe some people do know the truth. Maybe there is a God. And, maybe, just maybe, he told us all about it, and how hes gonna fix it.

This is definitely not the best argument, but I hope it at least makes us all think.

Peace and Love

Start of a Journey

I would have to say that this blog has been 1 year in the making, and its almost divine intervention that I am able to come to you now as a "blogger". Pun intended. It seemed almost as if, at every turn, when I would try to create a blog, or try to even attempt to write my thoughts down, something happened. Either my computer crashes or my gmail account doesnt work, or my mind just shuts off and gets bored with itself. So, this blog is a true phenomena. I dont know how many people may ever read what I have to say, but I hope that those who do can find some rest and peace in them. Not to say that my blogs will always be happy, which I doubt in the grand scheme of my life they will, but I want you to know that my reason for this blog is you and me. I dont care who you are, if I know you, or if I dont, but I hope that this Ambience is physical therapy for you. I named this blog Ambience because of its definition, "a particular environment or surrounding influence." And yes, your computer is probably telling you that "ambience" is spelled incorrectly, disregard please, its in the dictionary that way!

On another note, I hope that this blog is healing for you, and healing for me as well. Writing is therapeutic. I hope through my own therapeutics that I can help you too. Maybe one day me and you will be having a chat about life over some coffee. Life is a journey, lets take it together.....digitally.